I think the best approach I can go for making a comment for this comic is to go into constructive feedback mode. The artwork is great. I am impressed with the effects of making the characters look they are covered in sweat and water. I thought that needed a special shoutout.
Your general story concept is good, however there were points upon reading that it looked like comic needed more proofreading. I struggle with proofreading stuff myself. So I am not trying to pick on you, but there were some glaring things that seemed hard to overlook.
Like during the shower conversation they mention "shampoo" a couple of times but it comes quickly clear from context that they are actually talking about bodywash or soap. On page 28 you had Gama Buns called Red Huntress, "Widow" instead. I think we all get that Red Huntress is intended to be a parody of the Black Widow character, but you establish in this comic the charter is not Widow in any form. So it just comes across random and weird.
Another oddity was on page 59 were Gama Buns was explaining to Red Huntress that without control she would have hurt Red Huntress while Red Huntress was giving Gama Buns oral sex. The problem with that is, none of that happened yet. In fact up until that point Gama Buns was giving Red Huntress oral sex.
The last oddity I wanted to mention is earlier in the comic, involving pages 14-17. At first it felt there was some pages missing, but I have since developed a new theory that maybe these pages are out of order. On page 15 the first thing anyone speaks Gama Buns is saying thank you, expect on page 14 nothing happened that would make Gama Buns thanking Red Huntress. Yet on page 16 Red Huntress gives a complement about Gama Buns strength, and if you go back to page 15 it looks like a conversation is continuing from that complement. Now both pages 15 and 16 Gama Buns is pushing down Red Huntress's legs while spotting her. Yet it is not until page 17 that we have an explanation as towards why Gama Buns are pushing on Red Huntress's legs. On page 17 Gama Buns points that Red Huntress is lifting her legs during the exercise. I think this was intended to be the start of Gama Buns holding Red Huntress's legs down. And those are the reasons why I think pages 15-17 might be out of order.
I see this is the first comic you posted on Itch. I do not want to discourage you. The things I pointed out are things that can be improved on. I believe with better proofreading you can make better comic if you ever decided you wanted to make another comic.
Hi there, first I want to thank you for reading the comic. I read through your criticism and will take into account for the next comic I make. Gamma-Buns already had a slight make-over to her appearance and I'm excited to feature her new looks some time in the future.
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I think the best approach I can go for making a comment for this comic is to go into constructive feedback mode. The artwork is great. I am impressed with the effects of making the characters look they are covered in sweat and water. I thought that needed a special shoutout.
Your general story concept is good, however there were points upon reading that it looked like comic needed more proofreading. I struggle with proofreading stuff myself. So I am not trying to pick on you, but there were some glaring things that seemed hard to overlook.
Like during the shower conversation they mention "shampoo" a couple of times but it comes quickly clear from context that they are actually talking about bodywash or soap. On page 28 you had Gama Buns called Red Huntress, "Widow" instead. I think we all get that Red Huntress is intended to be a parody of the Black Widow character, but you establish in this comic the charter is not Widow in any form. So it just comes across random and weird.
Another oddity was on page 59 were Gama Buns was explaining to Red Huntress that without control she would have hurt Red Huntress while Red Huntress was giving Gama Buns oral sex. The problem with that is, none of that happened yet. In fact up until that point Gama Buns was giving Red Huntress oral sex.
The last oddity I wanted to mention is earlier in the comic, involving pages 14-17. At first it felt there was some pages missing, but I have since developed a new theory that maybe these pages are out of order. On page 15 the first thing anyone speaks Gama Buns is saying thank you, expect on page 14 nothing happened that would make Gama Buns thanking Red Huntress. Yet on page 16 Red Huntress gives a complement about Gama Buns strength, and if you go back to page 15 it looks like a conversation is continuing from that complement. Now both pages 15 and 16 Gama Buns is pushing down Red Huntress's legs while spotting her. Yet it is not until page 17 that we have an explanation as towards why Gama Buns are pushing on Red Huntress's legs. On page 17 Gama Buns points that Red Huntress is lifting her legs during the exercise. I think this was intended to be the start of Gama Buns holding Red Huntress's legs down. And those are the reasons why I think pages 15-17 might be out of order.
I see this is the first comic you posted on Itch. I do not want to discourage you. The things I pointed out are things that can be improved on. I believe with better proofreading you can make better comic if you ever decided you wanted to make another comic.
Hi there, first I want to thank you for reading the comic.
I read through your criticism and will take into account for the next comic I make.
Gamma-Buns already had a slight make-over to her appearance and I'm excited to
feature her new looks some time in the future.
regards
Bakaplays